Fear

It came back. That pesky hair on my shoulder that grows to an obscene length. Thankfully, it's blonde so nobody else notices it, but I swear on a breezy day I can feel that thing waving in the wind. It's not my friend. I pull it out the second I notice it.

Another foe of mine is fear. I battled fear for too many years. Unexplainable fear, panic, worry. This fear I experienced was a family trait, passed on to me from my grandmother. (Be careful parents and grandparents to what traits you are modeling in your family. It can have consequences beyond what you ever imagined--sorry grandma, I love and forgive you).

When I was a little girl I didn't like slumber parties. I was so afraid of something happening to me. I envied my younger sister who could go anywhere with anybody and be perfectly happy. I desired stability, predictability, and the familiar. We all have battles. We all struggle with things. I knew the fear I had didn't honor God. It was sin.

Then, something broke in me. God miraculously delivered me several years ago. It's something I really can't even explain, but I knew this battle was finally over. And like that pesky hair that shows up every couple months, there is a tendency to slip back into the old sin nature and let the flesh take over. Recently I've wondered how we will ever get Lydie and Samson home on the plane. Will they have a major meltdown? Will they even let us out of the country with them? Will we ever get the call to come get them? Will our family ever been reunited? Do you see where I'm going? It's a dangerous path of self-destructive thought.

But this time it's different. The questions pop in my head, but they are beat down immediately by the Spirit inside me saying "I'm in control. I will fight your battles. Just walk with me." Maybe it's you praying for me. It probably is. And I thank you for that. This is a battle. It truly is.

So far it's been a week of discouraging news. Some of our adoption friends have been dealt some serious blows. There are situations closer to home that have been extremely painful to witness and honestly, I don't know how God is going to have the victory. My heart aches. The only thing I know to do is cling to His promises.

...Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone.